7/11/08

the longer i spend time working on this website, the more stuff i add to it, the more it feels like a My Space or other online social network sites where people describe themselves and let the world know their preferences in music and food. so why resist:

• my favorite film, of course, is Dead Poet Society.
• my favorite food, of course, is sushi. (and here is another project with food)

7/19/08

i used to have a facebook account. for about two weeks. then i gave up because i realized that, not unlike my art practice, to explain oneself is tedious work. i already use autobiographical elements in my works to deal with issues of identity, doing it again online seems redundant. Of course, after realizing only about 12 people ever have the chance to see my works in public, i do, like most people, feel the need for an online representation/presentation of some sort. (love me! adore my art!) (yike!)

so perhaps this justify my energy and time that i put into this website.

8/03/08

now i am feeling like a fucking egomaniac trying to put this website together. and there is way too much pictures of my dog and myself. hopefully people don't think i am a pantsy or something. (but i guess that's part of being a performance artist.)

8/13/08

okay this is what i really have in mind for the website:

the reason why this website is hyper-link-happy and bounded by loose associations, is because, in a familiar way, that's how i can describe my experience to another person. In a less linear, more silly-ful, and somewhat mundane fashion. surely i am not the only one that feels this way.

i am resisting to put my works under different categories. Surely if i did that it would be easier for people to access slides of my works (streamlined). But who cares. who am i to brag about art?

of course none of this is suppose to be profound or anything, i am just ranting along. this page should be dated, because one year from now, i might not even recognize what i was trying to say. perhaps if i have one solid goal, is to continue (corny alert) to learn.

8/14/08

i can't sleep. i am not a professional artist. this is not a blog.

8/22/08

if i don't stop talking about myself so obsessively, i might as well design my own coffin.

8/24/08

i now re-activated my facebook account. i have 3 friends.

9/05/08

time moves forward, not backward. people age. trees get taller.

9/11/08

i think the whole website is where resisting, compensating, and negotiation with myself happen:
i want to show you everything! but the more i give thoughts to the idea, the more worries i have! who am i to share anything? i haven't accomplished shit! come back in 25 years maybe. i am not a 25 year old who needs a website about a 25 year old who tries understand how art career works but get stuck in his own head.

so then i don't want to do any of this crap anymore. then the next day i would say to myself, maybe i should write about this struggle...maybe i am the first one to think about this. no i am not! not at all! everything I want to say has been said and said more eloquently.

in a nutshell: i want to show you everything but the feeling of vanity and narcissism overwhelms me. then the sense of obliviousness and naiveness. followed by inadequacy and insecurity.
after a few days of television and recovery, i would laugh at myself for taking this too seriously. it's just a website. who gives a shit. just have fun with it. no one would pay attention to it anyway...then the first sentence I would start: “the impulse to show more work and to find perfect presentation scares me. who am I to...”

and the circle repeats itself indefinitely until i get busy with a new art project. or a job.

i'm starting to miss Bacon terribly. get me back to LA, please.

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